6 Ways Your Ego Is Ruining Your Relationships

by Danny Fernsby

Ego is a complex and fragile thing. It can push you to the highest peak of bliss, send you to the darkest abyss, or do both at once. Oftentimes, though your ego has all that power it can be really immature. It may push you to brag about yourself all the time, buy the most expensive clothes, and celebrate even the smallest achievements as if they are immense. Do you have a huge ego? Is it ruining your relationships? Here are some signs your bratty, tantrum-filled ego, runs your life.

#1 You’ve Crossed The Line Into Arrogance

You may think your behavior is high self-esteem, but this is a thin line, and if people are saying you are arrogant, then they are not lying. If you feel the need to overcompensate by being boastful, grabbing all of the attention, or constantly belittling others, then insecurity is your reality. A man with high self-esteem has no need to continually prove himself to others. He knows his strengths, shortcomings, and loves himself regardless. He doesn’t pretend to be someone he isn’t because he enjoys himself. When he is insulted, he rarely takes offense. His opinion of himself is his North Star.

A suggestion: Before speaking, decide if you must tell someone of a new item, event, or accomplishment. Have you already told them of this? If you have, resist the urge to continue bringing it up.

#2 You Rarely Stop Talking About Yourself

man with huge ego kissy face on own reflectionIf “I” is your favorite word, you are talking about yourself too much. The ego isn’t interested in other people, it’s interested in you. But, when you don’t rein in your ego, every conversation will either revolve around you or you’ll turn every conversation back to you.

A suggestion: When you are conversing, keep track of how many times you speak and who you talk about. If you talk about yourself nearly every time you open your mouth, try asking more questions and using “you”. this will ensure you are giving other people the chance to speak and learning more about them. They will enjoy being around you more because you aren’t always discussing your life and paying no attention to theirs.

#3 You Avoid Conflict

The ego serves many functions, one of them being self-protection. It is wired to protect you from emotional or psychological damage. When you are feeling threatened, whether it is real or perceived, you may avoid conflict. Rather than facing the needed confrontation head-on, you will back away. This will protect your ego from getting hurt, and therefore, you won’t get hurt. Avoiding is easier than handling it, but it is not beneficial.

Other times, you may protect yourself by building a detailed case against your significant other, even if it will hurt him/her. You may then defend this case no matter what contradictory evidence is presented. When insecurity is a constant companion you will do whatever it takes to protect your fragile ego.

A suggestion: Rather than jump to your own defense immediately, try to see the other person’s perspective. Are any of their points valid? Have you performed this same behavior before after they’ve told you they don’t like it? When you consider their opinion before launching yours you can make your fragile ego stronger and enjoy the happiness that comes with loving yourself. Only when you strengthen your ego can you truly have a relationship with someone else.

#4 You Ignore People’s Advice

Because your ego doesn’t stand on its own, you may ignore advice from others. If they are right and you are wrong this will hurt your ego. The person who gave you the advice can then take the credit and you can’t. This may make you feel stupid because you didn’t think of the brilliant idea.

A suggestion: When a problem crops up, ask for someone’s advice. This may lessen your fear of lacking controlling when you receive advice. If this advice sounds pretty reasonable, take it. The choice is yours to ask for the advice and follow it. This exercise can begin the process of helping you lean on others and allowing them to be in the spotlight. Just because someone else has a good idea, that doesn’t mean you aren’t just as capable of coming up with useful solutions.

#5 You Compare Your Relationships To Others

6 Ways Your Ego Is Ruining Your RelationshipsWhen you are always looking toward other relationships rather than at your own, this may be because your ego thrives on external validation. You may compare your home, car, appearance to other men and feel inadequate. You may compare yourself to our significant other whenever you perceive he/she has outperformed you. These constant comparisons only bring you down.

A suggestion: Compare yourself only to yourself, preferably your less skilled self, and strive to become better every day. Note that if you compare yourself and you are doing less than you were before, then you may become stuck in the same negative predicament. Focus on getting better, learning more skills, and building healthy relationships.

#6 You Take More Than You Give

Responsible for what you value, the ego can pull you from the moment. Rather than thinking of what is happening now, you may reserve any effort for yourself, be impatient, and have difficulty connecting with others. In a relationship, this can be frustrating for others. People need you to be present and helping with issues as they appear. If you avoid responsibility they will not be able to lean on you. In addition, you may want many things, but you may feel you shouldn’t give the same in return. Relationships thrive on give and take, and everyone wants something.

A suggestion: Give to others without the expectation of anything in return. This will boost your ability to enjoy the intrinsic reward of helping someone else. With this habit, your ego will strengthen.

An unreasonably large ego is not an innate part of you, it is built. With some changes and introspection, you can bring yours down and rebuild it with more self-love and moderation.

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