Many times, in our society, when the going gets tough, we get going. This may be our jobs, dreams, or happiness. Rather than fighting for what we want, we look for a replacement, a better version of what we have. This philosophy also applies to marriage. Though we know when we get married, there are two people with differing passions, opinions, and beliefs, we may forget that as the marriage goes on. Control and disappointment may become the norm, but they don’t have to. There are many ways you can become a better husband and in turn, see the better side of your partner.
Here are six relationship-changing ways.
#1 Make Random Acts Of Kindness A Daily Requirement
Random acts of kindness should never be reserved just for strangers. They are a great way to show your spouse you care. To ensure you commit to these not-so-random random acts of kindness, you’ll want to- plan, document, and then commit. Of course, this process isn’t as stuffy as that sounds, so let’s put in in regular words. To add random acts of kindness to your marriage, first, you’ll want to plan at least one per day. It could be something small or big, it just needs to happen. Write down what you plan to do. For many people, writing things down transforms dreams into concrete. Do the deed and then check it off. You may be thinking, “I don’t have to plan nice things, it’s so clinical.” But, it isn’t. This simple method will grow your random acts of kindness into a habit. After committing to this method for some time, you will begin to perform more random acts of kindness, just because.
#2 Discuss Finances, Openly
If you are the main handler of finances, resist the urge to spare your spouse the sordid details. Money surprises, especially negative, should not be a reality in your spouse’s world, as you will want to establish an ongoing dialogue about finances. Keeping finance talk updated and between the two of you doesn’t mean monitoring your spouse’s purse or wallet, it just means acknowledging that your spouse is an adult and placing value on your spouse’s contributions. Establishing a relationship of mutual respect and decision-making is paramount to becoming a better husband.
#3 Learn More About Your Spouse
Be curious, ask questions. Not only is life a learning process, but so is your spouse. He/she is an unending well of wants, desires, and passions. How many of these do you know? If you were asked to give your spouse’s stats, would you be able to rattle them off from memory?
Questions you could ask include:
- ♦ What is your spouse’s favorite musician?
- ♦ What movies did your spouse watch/is watching currently?
- ♦ What is your spouses’ greatest accomplishment/biggest failure?
- ♦ If you had a free weekend, where would your spouse like to go?
- ♦ Who was your spouse’s favorite teacher?
Think of good questions that probe into your spouse’s true character and listen with undivided attention. When doing this exercise, work your two ears like mules and your mouth like a sleeping infant.
#4 Tell Your Spouse How Much You Love Them, Creatively
While your actions may show you love your spouse, he/she may have a different style of expressing love. Some people express love through words, actions, or touching, so to stay on the safe side, use words. When you say, or even write, how much you love your spouse it can spark your spouse’s burning hot embers of love for you into the roaring fire that just needed more air. There’s not much like getting a love letter or well wishes when you don’t expect it. To show your spouse how much you care for them, you can do the following:
- ♦ Put a love note, card, or lovey-dovey picture into your spouse’s wallet or purse, before your spouse wakes
- ♦ Celebrate obscure anniversaries, together (first date, the day of your spouse’s first day at a new job, engagement, first kiss)
- ♦ Figure out when your spouse won’t be home and leave a loving message on your spouse’s phone. You could leave a text message, but a voice message is a lot more intimate
- ♦ Send some funny or loving emails when your spouse is at work. This could brighten his/her day
#5 List Five Of Your Most Passionate Things. Where Is Your Spouse?
Like many questions you may be asked by your spouse, this question does have a right answer. Your spouse should be in the #1 spot. Not your job. Not your passion project. Your spouse. After you’ve made this list, what are some steps you can complete to ensure your spouse becomes your #1?
#6 Go To Couples Counseling
Oftentimes, couples use counseling as a last resort, but counseling should be a constant in your relationship. A trained professional can help you and your spouse work through any issues before they progress to the breaking point. You wouldn’t drive your car for years without maintenance, so don’t do the same with your marriage. When you approach your spouse with couples counseling, explain that you are working on becoming a better husband because you value your marriage and love your spouse. Tell your spouse that forward is the only direction you want to go. Counseling comes in many forms. You may want to set weekly appointments, attend a seminar, or talk to a member of the clergy. Whatever method you choose will only benefit your marriage.