Infidelity and the Internet

by Dennis K
woman cheating on phone while husband is asleep

Is watching a cam girl online, in the comfort of your own home, a form of cheating? It’s a tough question. Cheating itself has become an amorphous thing in this age of social media, constant connectedness and the internet. A majority of Americans have a smartphone in their pocket. You likely do too. It’s great to be constantly connected, but it also is, potentially, a constant source of gnawing temptation. Social media can be used to connect to loved ones and acquaintances; they’re also a great way to network for jobs. But then there are the little things that could lead you down a path to infidelity.

And that’s not just limited to platforms that seem to lend themselves to sneaking around on the side, like Snapchat and its messages that cease to exist after a period of time and dating apps that encourage discretion. There’s very little gray area there. It’s questionable behavior and any time that you feel like you need to hide or delete something from prying eyes, you know you’re doing something wrong and betraying your partner’s trust.

man hushing while video call with womanThen there’s the little indiscretions on the other side of the spectrum. You can check in on old flames and old crushes on Facebook or post a flirty comment on that cute girl’s beach pics on Instagram. Definitely not warranting the death penalty there. But how open are you being with your partner about it. Likely you’re connected to her on social media, so, unless you’re using some hidden profile, she can see everything you’re doing if she takes the time to check. As long as it’s out in the open and she knows about it, then there shouldn’t be anything to worry about there. You’re in the clear.

Okay, a little more questionable now — going fo the heart of the gray area, What about pornography? There’s some divisive opinions on this. With how readily available it is on the internet, right there at the swipe of smartphone, it can feel very normalized. A quick google image search or a hop on to pornhub — it’s right at your fingertips, basically at any time. But ask your significant other about it, and they could have a very different opinion. Studies have shown that women have a very diametrically opposed view to men when it comes to infidelity and pornography. However, as long as you’re both clear on your viewing and clicking habits, this won’t be a source of tension or disagreement. It may not seem natural at first to discuss this topic with your partner, but having open communication about sex will lead to happier and healthier relationship.

Let’s get a little deeper on this. What about cam girls? Cam girls are a booming industry on the internet. Several billions of dollars are exchanging hands every year to watch cam girls. Sometimes it’s cam girl networks. Other times it’s one on one with a sole proprietor. But it’s a little different than straight pornography. There’s a personal relationship there. There’s an individual performing for you. And if there are private rooms, then that is a one-on-one interaction with someone of the opposite sex. Yet, there’s no physical connection.

Many cam girls talk about having close relationships with their clients. They compare it to becoming a surrogate for a man’s partner. They feel they provide something that a man’s significant other can’t or won’t provide. While there are others that instead merely look at it as providing a service. They are just acting on video to get a guy off. In that instance, they don’t see themselves any differently than any other porn video on the internet.

The closest parallel to an a time before the internet would be the strip club — a group of people watching a girl perform for them. And sometimes the guy pays extra to get a private show.

But just as with a strip club, it’s easy to say just talk to your partner about it. But what if they react poorly? What if they get jealous of the time that you are putting into this hobby of sorts? Communication is integral to having a healthy relationship. It’s imperative that you explain to them your view on the subject, and why, to you, the whole act is innocent, and not an infidelity. You need to explain how you have not breached their trust in you. You have to explain why this isn’t cheating. So, of course, then, that’s how you need to understand it too.

man chatting on laptop in the darkIf you don’t feel that way, or cannot explain to them how watching pornography, watching a cam girl, looking up your old crush, or commenting on a sexy post on instagram are not an indiscretion — if you find yourself at a loss on how to explain to them that it’s not cheating — then, perhaps you need to look a little deeper at the act itself and decide that for yourself.

The ultimate issue here isn’t how you feel about it when it’s starting to even during the act itself. It’s how you feel afterward. Is this something that you hide from your partner? Do you feel it’s necessary to excuse your actions? When you successfully mislead your significant other, do you feel like you’re getting away with something? Do you have that pang of guilt? Then you’ve successfully opened up the issue for yourself because when you’re in a relationship with someone, it’s more than just how you feel about it. You have to take into consideration the other person’s thoughts and feelings. And not just in terms of how they would feel about it if they found out about it. How would they feel about it if they knew about it from the start?

The number one takeaway here is — it comes down to communication with your significant other. If you feel like you have to hide the behavior from them, then you’re veering toward the dark side toward cheating and infidelity. They’ve put their trust in you, and you need to respect that in order to have a healthy relationship. The only way to truly respect that is to not betray that trust.

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