Sex After Kids

by Danny Fernsby
happy family with baby

Finding time for the woman you love becomes hard after you have children. The responsibility of taking care of a new born is something that will take up a lot of your time, and it does not lessen much with their age. You trade in changing dirty diapers for ballet recitals and football games. It’s so rewarding, having a child and if you ask parents they’ll tell you they wouldn’t change a thing, but it’s no secret that your sex life starts to suffer for them. It doesn’t have to be this way though. Studies show that after the first child most couples start to notice a decline in their sexual activities and this only worsens the more children you have, so what can you do about it?


Kids are beautiful rewarding experience, but the best thing you can do for your sexy times is get rid of them. NO, not permanently, but hire a babysitter for a night or send them to the mall for a couple of hours. The less chance they have of interrupting you, the more secure you two feel to get it on. Having them out of the house will cause less distraction as well and having them with someone you trust will lessen the anxiousness you feel dropping off your precious bundle of joy. Ask the grandparents to watch them for a night or two and work on your relationship together. Or, to completely change things up have someone watch the kids at the house and head out to a hotel, give yourselves some luxury and have a steamy night out together. Who says romance is dead?


child jumping on bed while parents sleepA great investment, if you don’t already have one is a bedroom door lock. Privacy is key when you’re trying to get your lady to bed, so making sure you’re both secure and comfortable is going to do wonders for your stability. No one likes to feel like they’re going to be walked in on at any moment, and couples with smaller children often worry about getting caught in the act. Having that blockade will really put you both at ease and help slip into a more relaxed and private mood for bed time. There’s no shame in forcing some time alone and if there is an actual need, your children will knock. So, having this literal “Do not disturb” sign will put up some boundaries and hopefully get you two alone for an hour or so.


Another thing our little love muffins love to do is share our space. We love them so much that having them climb up into bed with us seems fine, for a while. But kiddies love to take liberties and might try to make a habit out of it. Having them constantly in line of sight and star fished between you and your lovely wife is going to cause some difficulties in the love making department. The best option here is to make and enforce a bed time and have a stay in bed rule. This is not only going to help your sex life, but tis also good for your little ones. It teaches them to be independent and to have their own space, which is good for the both of you in the long run. It may seem painful or cruel to kick them out of your bed, and they might even throw a tantrum or two but if you don’t put your foot down now, enjoy celibacy my friend. Remember tip number two, lock the door and enjoy yourselves.


husband and wife in bed, intimate momentI know you love your little ones more than anything in the world, but to get back into the groove of things with your partner you have got to make an effort to talk about other things. Having other topics of conversation or even comfortable silence will boost both of your connections with the other. You can’t lose sight of your feelings with your loved one. Just because you have a kid doesn’t mean they have to be the only thing in your life you care about. Your wife is still the love of your life, so show her that. Sex isn’t just about getting it when you can after kids, it doesn’t suddenly because a shameful, in the cover of night thing. You can show love an emotion to each other just a s you did before. Having those things, you bond over is going to do wonders for each other and it’s going to prevent issues in the future. Tell your wife you love her, that you think she’s beautiful, and that you still need her. Giving her that validation and her giving it back is going to make you guys want to find time to spend together. It will become less of a struggle not to fall into some negative stereotype and you will instead care about make each other feel good and sharing that love that burns between you two still.


Kids make our lives happier, but there is no question that they also make it harder. There’s a level of stress and anxiety that comes with a child, but so much love as well. Its no secret that couples can find it hard to find alone time with tinny little tots running around but take the initiative and adding in that added effort will make it much easier for you two. It’s not all about sex though, make sure you and your partner are still connecting and enjoying each other’s company. Don’t let your children tear your relationship apart, they are meant to bring you so much closer together. Keeping all these thoughts in mind, make your adjustments, and keep your home happy and loving.


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